Appealing for a future for my teenage son Matthew

(UPDATE -Thank you to all who have helped me raise the amount needed for Matthew. I am closing collection for now. You have given Matthew a good 6 months of stay in clinical care.  If he needs to stay longer, I will update the community. 

I would like to update that with your help, Matthew has since started his treatment at the Clinic on 3 August 2023. Thank you once again for helping Matt.)

My name is Kathy and I am appealing for your kind generosity to help my son, Matthew, who has Autism and has struggled with suicidal ideation for some time. I am looking to put him in at the Wave Clinic in Kuala Lumpur for psychiatric treatment but it is much more than our family can afford. I would like to share our journey with Matthew and what led us to this point.

The 1st attempt at 13 years of age was an overdose of pills triggered by something that happened in school with friends. He was admitted to KKH immediately and help was administered . That was when Matt started seeing the psychiatric doctor regularly. He also started weekly counseling sessions with a private counselor. He was in and out of school that year.

The 2nd attempt was 1 year later also with more pills. Again it was a social cause where Matt could not regulate his emotions from what was happening around him. His counseling in school and out of school were ongoing. He was also on medication to manage his moods. Again trying to get him to stay in school was a struggle for all around him.

The 3rd attempt was later in the year when he climbed out of the bedroom window and stood at the ledge on the 11th floor. My helper managed to pull him back in.

The 4th attempt was him climbing out of the kitchen window. He called the police himself as part of his safety plan to help him. We were not home. We got a call from the police to ask us to allow them to break the door open. We rushed home terrified. There were civil defense cars, police cars and ambulances at the block. I can't describe the fear. The police managed to get him in and he was brought to IMH in a police car. He was not warded as later in the day he has calmed down which is what happens. Matt's emotions spike up and he cannot rationalize or think straight. He goes into reaction mode. The trigger was again from friends/schoolmates. It was a comment from a schoolmate who said "everyone hates you in school for doing this".Matt took that as literally everyone hates him. A ‘normal’ person in that situation would normally clarify with the other person what the statement meant and why it was passed.

The 5th attempt he jumped from a 6-storey carpark. A passerby heard his faint call for help. Fortunately, he was rushed to the hospital in time. An hour later and he would have lost his life. That fall however broke his spinal cord. The miracle is that he has no brain damage. He broke parts of his spine, rib cage, pelvis, and feet. He was in Intensive care for weeks. He stayed in the hospital for three months and rehab after that. They have mostly healed. The lasting damage is damage to his nerves that control his pelvic/private area -he cannot feel that area. He requires a tube every 4 hours to urine. We can manage all those with him.

For the last 3 years he has had counseling, medication and intervention but it is not enough. We have sought the advice of psychiatrists from IMH and KK Hospital. They believe he is still in danger and needs safeguarding until he is 22-24 years old when he can self-regulate better. That is eight more years. Safeguarding is an issue. Do I want to wait for the 6th attempt before I take this step?

I dare not think of that. As parents we want to do all we can to give him a fighting chance. The wave clinic was shared to us by his school counsellor as a place where he could be in a safe environment and learn to manage and concentrate on managing his emotions. The school that Matt was in gave him all the possible support they could. They reached a point where they felt that even with all the checks, provisions and support, they could no longer keep him safe both for himself and for the school community and that Matt needed intensive support moving forward.

Do I know if this is the best for him?

I can't answer this to tell the truth. But looking at all the options open now, and having visited the clinic and having talked to the clinical director, we feel that this is the best option for him. We do this to give him a chance at life. We hope for him to find himself in a peaceful and safe environment. Matt has so much to give. He survived a fall which gave him a 50/50 chance at life. I’m sure he has a purpose for this life. I hope one day he can help others who have been in a similar situation as him.

For those who know Matt, he is such a loving boy who used to smile all the time and be cheeky with family. He does not want or voluntarily choose to have these negative suicidal thoughts that makes him feel so bad about himself and bad for hurting his friends and family. He has to mentally fight to pull himself away from them.

Why treatment in Singapore has not helped so far?

By the end of 2023, he would no longer be able to have access to KKH doctors as he would be 16 years old then. I worry about him every day and what he will do again when triggered. I don't know how to keep him safe. He is very lost and has no direction. The system in Singapore cannot help him other than the 30 minute sessions with the doctors.

The medical situation in Singapore can only help with regular sessions with the psychiatrist/psychologist but only bi-weekly when he needs so much more intervention. There is no proper intensive treatment here. When there is an issue, the response is to bring him to IMH. That is insufficient. We shudder at the thought of him committing suicide again.

In Singapore, we have so many wonderful helping groups and we have both private and govt counsellors/doctors. What we don't have in Singapore is this kind of intensive residential programme to help our young. Matt has been undergoing treatment /medication over the last 3 years and whilst it has helped to a certain extent to help him do his best to manage, it is clearly not enough. The easy way for us would be just for him to continue getting the weekly/biweekly sessions and hope he grows out of it eventually and say we have done our best. I know we have not.

Wave Clinic in KL

Wave Clinic helps adolescents like Matt going through this to come out stronger and learn to handle life moving forward. It has resident doctors, psychiatrists and helps with their studies. It is a residential clinic with a cost of USD 5500 per week. After consulting with the Clinical Director, we are looking at a 9-12 month stay for him. We have done our research and other clinics in UK /US/Austarlia cost a lot more. The UK clinic for example is 6900 pounds a week and more importantly, we cannot have follow up sessions after he comes out if the clinic is so far away from us in Singapore. It is an all-inclusive medical care home. They have helped teenagers regain their mental health, kept them safe and prepared them for the next phase of life, which is usually entry to university. The residents come mainly from the UK, USA and Singapore.

Taking an average of 9-12 months' stay, we need to raise USD 286K or SGD400K. We are required to pay USD66k or SGD92500 by 31st July 2023 which will cover his 12weeks. 

I have put the first target for him to start treatment as S$100,000 and will update when Matt goes in how much more help he needs.

Thank you to all

This appeal to all is not easy - asking money or help from people is not something we take lightly. Everyone has their own struggle financially or emotionally. We would rather try and take it on ourselves with loans but there is only so much loan we can take and cover monthly so that is why we are appealing for help. Any amount donated is a huge help so thank you from the bottom of our hearts to those who have given. Thank you to those who have passed this on to friends as well.

https://www.simplygiving.com/appeal/a-future-for-matt

Some other information -

What is Emotional Dysregulation?

Emotional dysregulation—an inability to respond to a stimulus within the normal emotive range of a neurotypical individual. Although it is not part of the diagnostic criteria, emotional dysregulation is one of the many common symptoms of ASD (autism spectrum disorder).

Emotional Reactions Involve Numerous Systems That ASD Patients Don’t Have Control Over.

There are a number of possible reasons for this deficit, several of which are obvious. It’s hard to exhibit a typical emotional reaction when you are impacted by various sensory and cognitive challenges such as:

• Delays in recognition and processing of certain stimuli.

• Heightened impact from noises and unusual events.

• Inability to recognize tone or facial expressions around you.

• Uncoordinated motor reactions.

All of these issues can lead to an overwhelming degree of anxiety and frustration.

Emotional Dysregulation Is Not All in the Head

This is important to understand because a common misconception is that emotions are strictly states of feeling—that they exist entirely in the mind. But in fact, emotional reactions can extend to physiological responses and expressions. Some of these result in inappropriate behaviors.

That makes those behaviors less of a selected expression of mental images and more of an uncontrollable set of actions coming directly from the mind. Because of this, attempting to reason with individuals with these reactions is largely fruitless. Even if they understand that the emotional reaction is inappropriate, it is rising from a place they do not have conscious control over.

Why is Residential Treatment So Beneficial?

Residential treatment offers many benefits for youth. Those who are struggling with their mental health, or who have developed a toxic relationship with drugs and alcohol, may require a residential setting where they can focus on their healing. Residential treatment programs offer:

• 24-hour watchful care, 7 days a week

• A safe space to heal, removed from outside temptation and triggers

• Personalized, long-term treatment plans for phase of their recovery

• Accessible support staff and counseling when they need it most

• Healthy meal preparation

• Holistic and recreational activities to engage clients in the recovery process

• Structured daily routines to bring accountability back into their lives

• A community of others – of the same age and gender – in recovery

• A comfortable living environment where youth can relax, feel safe, and find peace

• Evidence-based therapy methods designed to help youth in recovery

• Academic support services to help youth continue their studies/diploma

• Family therapy to keep family involved in the recovery process

The major benefit of residential treatment for substance use and mental health disorders rests in the fact that the programs are removed from youth’s current environments. While in a residential program, there are no temptations from drug-using friends, parties, or even the opposite sex. There is also less stress and anxiety that comes with a residential environment. Clients are separated from their stressors—whether that’s a hurtful relationship, academic anxiety, a bully, or peer-pressuring friends—and can find peace and space within a residential rehab setting. This leaves less room for relapse and can help set the stage for a lasting recovery.